How Many Times Shall I Forgive?

“Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” (Matthew 18:21)

Forgiveness is one of God’s attributes. It falls under God’s Love, a benevolent, merciful , gracious and forgiving Father.  “That you love one another, as I have loved you.” (John 5:12).

In  a real sense, forgiveness can be very difficult.  Real forgiveness or genuine forgiveness is as rare as hen’s teeth, and it is more common to be unforgiving than forgiving. It is sadly our natural human state because we put our resentment in cold storage so that we can thaw it out when we need it. They say they bury that hatchet but maintains a map that carefully marks the spot where they buried it so they can dig it up when they need it.  We nurse our grudges as if they were our precious children!  It’s a dog-eat-dog  world not dog-forgive-dog world.

Jesus wants us to understand that forgiving is something we should do over and over and over again. God tells us to forgive 70 times 7 or 490 times indicates the persistent, relentless nature of the love that is to be characteristic of a follower of the Lord. If Jesus did not forget Peter for denying Him because of cowardice, Peter would have been lost. But because God forgave Peter, he was changed.

Really, God asks us to do something that is so hard ...and one of those is to forgive.  But God tells us to forgive endlessly because God is so forgiving. God knows that forgiving others is good for us. God knows that refusing to forgive damages our relationship with Him and God knows that forgiveness will benefit the forgiven.

 Luke 6:27-28 tells us to “love our enemies.”  Matthew 6:9-13 directs us to pray “and forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.”   Matthew 6:14 reminds us that “if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” The parable of the unforgiving servant depicts what God will not forgive us if we will not forgive others ( Matthew 18:23-25).

When we forgive it is beneficial to both the forgiving and forgiven.  We recreate that person and be like Peter and Onesimus whom was forgiven by Philemon thru Paul’s request. When we forgive, we reduce tension and restore our relationship. Forgiveness made enemies into friends!  We must not harbour resentment because it is not good to our psychological and physical health.  Job 5:2 warns us that “to worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish and senseless thing to do.” Chronic anger is damaging to body. It leads to emotional stress, hypertension and cardiovascular diseases. “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bone.” (Proverbs 17:22).

But how can we forgive?  Here are some God’s tips:

P-Pray

E- Empathy

A-Act

C-Confess

E-Example

Use this acronym and always remember to live at peace with others (1  Thessallonians 5:13).

We must “pray for those who ill-treat you.” (Luke 6:27-28).  We need to try to understand why they did and what they did and this is empathy.  We must act in forgiving ways. Do not revenge. Leave the vengeance to God. Jesus said “vengeance is mine.” (Romans 12:19). “Do good to those who hate you.” (Luke 6:27). “Bless those who curse you.”  (Luke 6:28). Jesus told us to do this when we are hurt:

1.       Go to the wrongdoer. “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.” (Matthew 18:15)

2.       Innocent party must initiate reconciliation.

3.       Do it privately.

4.       Forgiveness is not optional. It is a command.

5.       Be prepared to act in a forgiving way even if you do not feel like it.

6.       If a friend or family member holds a grudge, keep on acting toward them in loving ways.

7.       If your adversaries need help moving house, fixing a flat tire, need to borrow something, go to their aid.

Sometimes part of forgiveness is owning up our fault. We may be part of the blame. Consider if our jealousy, stubbornness, ambition, or even our bad attitudes has contributed to the rift.  Accelerate peace process by admitting our wrongdoing. We must say “I am very sorry. The hurt I caused you causes me pain as well.”

To end, set ourselves like Jesus as an example.  Jesus suffered and died to forgive our sins. Ask ourselves: Is there someone we need to forgive?  Is there someone who needs or wait  our forgiveness?

(From the Great Bible Questions by Dr. Derek Stringer)